39 Best Statuses To Put On Facebook Right Now
- Viral Noax
- Aug 27, 2014
- 3 min read
“Are you as bored as I am?” Read that backwards, and it still makes sense.
I’m convinced that leaning forward while playing video games substantially improves my overall performance.
During the stone age, long before Facebook, man was already experiencing the irrepressible need to express on a wall what he had eaten.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they’re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.
10 times out of 9, people are exaggerating the story.
Why doesn’t dough rhyme with rough or tough?
Before you go anywhere with me, you should know that I’m still waiting for my chance to shout “UNHAND me you fools!!” as security escorts me off the premises.
I’d rather not eat than go to the store for one ingredient that I’m missing.
When you keep sweeping things “under the rug” eventually you’re going to trip from the mess you’ve made.
Ladies: imagine a man who’s rich, handsome, listens well and loves you for who you are. Now keep imagining him, because he’s only imaginary.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
If you peel back the foil on pudding and don’t lick the pudding on the foil before indulging in the pudding then I’m sorry to say you’re not cool.
Hey person calling me from a blocked number, I’m not answering. Ever.
I’m so happy that I chose quality over quantity when selecting my Facebook friends.
Go to gym to work out at 6:00 am, realize you have driven past a dunkin donuts, krispy kreme, and a DQ not turning around is the perfection of self control.
When you hit the wrong key by accident, that is a typo. When you can’t spell the word, that is NOT a typo.
Sending an important text, then being scared to open the reply.
When is it going to become legal to punch people in the face who cough with their mouth open?
The person with the longest text message response time has the upper hand in the relationship.
Face your problems. Don’t facebook your problems.
Hate it when you open the fridge and can’t find what you were looking for; like happiness and perfect abs.
That awkward moment when you’re actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you’re lying.
It appears I’m friends with at least 200 babies on Facebook.
Move your office desk into the elevator and ask people who get on if they have an appointment.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Don’t take it personally if I don’t like you. Some of my best friends are people I don’t like.
Boobs are proof that men can focus on 2 things at once.
Remember ladies, your guy is like your mascara. If you get too emotional, they’ll both run.
You can’t wish for change if you’re not prepared for something new.
I’m worried about my bed. It looks really lonely. I’d better give it a few extra hours of cuddling today.
One of the greatest fears on Facebook is accidentally using the status update as the search bar.
What’s red and goes “Oh, Oh, Oh!”? Santa walking backwards.
All I want for Christmas is you… to get hit by a reindeer.
Stop worrying about people and their opinions. If people don’t like you. It’s mind over matter, I mind & you don’t matter.
I’m such a dork, whenever I get on to a secured WiFi network. I feel like one of those hackers in the movies, and yell “We’re IN!”
That awkward moment when Kim Kardashian realizes Kanye West doesn’t play in the NFL or NBA.
They moved my favorite machine at the gym, and I’m pissed. Now I have to walk up two flights of stairs to get my Cheetos.
You’re the only one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don’t look at me weird for shouting “10 points for gryffindor” when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this.
Oh, you hate drama? Please continue to dramatically complain about it.
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