75 Awesome Statuses For WhatsApp
- Viral Noax
- Aug 27, 2014
- 5 min read
70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk ass.
Your mom’s so easy her nickname is ‘Staples’.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
If you say A for effort I’m going to correct you and say E for effort.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single..”
“Beauty sleep” is such bologna I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like a trashcan.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
I need new swear words.
I like my women how I like my coffee, with little or no pubic hair.
Just sprayed a fly with Axe body spray. He’ll live, but he won’t get laid.
Me: We could see snakes on a plane if you want. Friend: oh cool whats it about? Me: Elephants…..elephants on a boat.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Don’t worry, Prince Harry. We only have one bathroom, so I too know what it’s like to be 3rd in line for the throne.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
If Candy Crush had a face, I’d punch it.
Said Hi to my crush on chat. She didn’t reply. Awesome! I left her speechless.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty ass elsewhere.
Reading texts while half asleep is like looking into the sun.
That awkward moment when your walking down the stairs and think theres another step and you hulk stomp the ground.
If my best friend hates you then I automatically hate you.
“I didn’t get your text.” = Biggest lie ever told.
I always plan on going to bed early. Then 4 hours later I’m wide awake watching Netflix and scrolling through my phone.
Where can I download motivation??
Girls fall in love by what they hear. Guys fall in love by what they see. That’s why most girls wear makeup and most guys lie.
Shopping for clothes would be a lot more fun if I had a thinner body and a fatter wallet.
I like food and sleep. If I give you my food or text you all night, you’re special to me.
“Message sent failed. Would you like to retry?” Well, OBVIOUSLY, I was sending it for a reason.
Reading Facebook in the morning like it’s the daily paper.
Saying “AAAAAAAH” in front of the fan to hear your robot voice.
Be crazy, be weird, and don’t be afraid of what anybody thinks.
Dear life, when I said “Can my day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question not a challenge!
If someone texts “K”, just reply with “L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z”.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Forever wondering what my language sounds like to people who can’t speak it.
When I see you, I am happy, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside. -Me to my fridge
Isn’t it odd how people kill flys just because they’re annoying? If people killed people for being annoying I would’ve died like 15 years ago.
You have lips….. I have lips …… interesting.
I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves.
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
No pants are the best pants.
I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms into body wash.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
The sad moment when you return to your ordinary life after watching an awesome movie.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.
I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they call, I always say I’ll be there in 5 minutes.
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
That awkward moment when you think someone was waving at you, so you wave back, then play it off like you were just scratching your head.
I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to exercise everyday. I’m going on a diet and I’ll stick to it.. Hey, is that cake?
You don’t have to run faster than the zombies. Just faster than your friends.
A man walks into a bar. The man looks sad, the bartender asks him, “Long day?” The man replies saying, “No, every day is 24 hours long.
Wish breaking up with someone meant they had to refund all the money you spent on them.
Has that kid in the Dreamworks logo even caught a single fish yet?
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
At this point, it’d be more efficient to use “WAS NOT MADE IN CHINA” stickers.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy.
I really don’t want a birthday card. Just give me the $4 you would’ve spent on it. If it makes you feel better sign your name on each dollar.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh .
I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you’re in an argument, you’ll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.
New condom advertising slogan… “Wrap it in latex or she’s going to get your paychecks.”
The calmer I appear, the more dangerous I am.
At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.
The 4 Stages of Going Out Drinking: 1. Why do I do this to myself 2. This isn’t so bad 3. WE SHOULD DO THIS MORE OFTEN 4. Why do I do this to myself
Everyone has that 1 favorite piece of clothing that you wear all the time and refuse to throw away.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
10 Ways To Love: listen, speak, give, pray, answer, share, enjoy, trust, forgive, promise.
It’s easier to fall asleep in class than in my bed at home.
I remember when staying up until midnight was hard to do, now its a bad habit.
With all this talk of adding Puerto Rico as the 51st state I feel like our new goal number should be 53 states. A prime number…. “One nation, indivisible….”
The true test of any loving relationship is having two phones and only one functioning charger
That extremely annoying moment when you’re behind a slow walker & theres no way around them.
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